My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we're making bets on your personal life
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
