You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
