Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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