If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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