yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
