remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
