ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize