Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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