I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
