Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize