Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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