My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
