Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
