Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
bring money and cleavage
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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