We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
