Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
