do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
