Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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