My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
