so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
