Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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