I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
