So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
