is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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