Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
