So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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