she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
