last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
