Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
