chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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