Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
