If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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