people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
