I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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