Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
