u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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