and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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