bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
