Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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