farters have to be the big spoon...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
