If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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