No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize