Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
