My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
