The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
