the condom got lost in my hair
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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