I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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