There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize