He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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