Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I cut my penus on the lid.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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