I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
