You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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