I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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