I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
