I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
