dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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