ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
