My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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