god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
