So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
