the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
