dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You are a genius and a whore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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