so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
