She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He better not be in your backpack
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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