Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
