I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
