he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
