i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No subtext here. People are naked.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
