I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
