There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
