my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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