she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
