I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
