I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
