I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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