No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
